you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
