i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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