Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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