Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
