I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
