Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
