Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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