I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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