hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
