dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
