so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
