It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
