His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
