but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
