Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize