im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
