You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize