We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
