I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
