How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
