we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
