based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
should my penis look like a turkey
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
