Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
