Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
