i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
