i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
