Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
