ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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