I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
