he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
