I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
