At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
