Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
