If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
