hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
