I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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