just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
