Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
