I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
