it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
