Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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