Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
