I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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