do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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