I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
