I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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