i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize