Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
