Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
