Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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