Kiss
Puke
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
