did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
