you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
