3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize