I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
