I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize