I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
