the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
