You're completely useless in the revolution.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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