Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
