Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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