Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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