It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
