she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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