he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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