All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
