I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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