Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
