hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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