I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
