The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
farters have to be the big spoon...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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